Dear Facebook,
The gig is up, a piece of paper? As a gift?
Happy Birthday, Son! Here is a piece of paper!! If you look closely its wide-ruled, your favorite!!
Honestly, I am beginning to lose all confidence in Mark Zuckerburg and his dot com.
Go Fuck Yourself,
Love
~Bob
xoxoxoxoxo
PS. It's snowing outside!
Put your money where your mouth is
I don't know if THIS is a joke, but apparently some Eithiopians have been caught trying to sneak into America as stow aways on a plane in the overhead compartment.
This brings two things to mind
Either A. we need to send them more food
or B. Airlines can start selling the overhead compartments on flights at a reduced rate?
You know whats the best invention?
Facebook gifts.
Example: As you can see above this weekend they had a VERY LIMITED EDITION of TEN MILLION champaign bottles available to give out, at a dollar a piece! If they sell 10% of these at a minimum that's a million dollars, all for drawing a picture and a little coding. This is just one gift though, they release new gifts a few times a week.
Who doesn't have an extra dollar and some freetime at work to give this crap away.
I'd say they make at least $$$$50 million a year on this bullshit.
I bet Mark Zuckerburg just takes revenue from this as his salary.
Fucking genious.
You know whats the second best invention tho? This japanese ice pooping robot.
An attorney, a defense attorney, was found naked in a COURTHOUSE, with an underaged girl?
I'd like to make a motion to overule and retry every case he has ever participated in on the basis of retardation.
Yankee stadium first base security guard.
Not much to police here. Seems like the most action you will get is one, maybe to drunks on the field per season. On top of the no pressure job you are watching the game in one of the best spots in the stadium. Did I mention you get to have a gun? The players don't even get guns.
Brewmaster
I mean, I would probably do this job for free as long as I got to drink the beer that I made. Check out the program that UC Davis has to become a master brewer (link below). Unfortunately, I don't even think I am qualified to apply to brew school, even though legend has it that I have drank over 1 million beers in my lifetime.
Ever wonder how dry cleaning works?
It doesn't. Dry cleaners are just the nicest people in the world. You can't clean something "dry". That would be like dry showering, it just doesn't work.
What dry cleaners do is they replace what you bring in, you bring in a suit to be cleaned, they go and buy the same suit and give it to you.
It seems expensive and ridiculous, but as long as your clothes are clean, they are happy.
FYI. "Family owned and operated" doesn't mean anything to us. Firsthand experience tells us that our family cannot own and operate anything with a value, and many conversations with friends have proven that theirs are just as incompetent. So why do businesses think that this is something that will get us in the door? Honestly I would prefer if no one at the business was related, or even the the same race just to play it safe.
If I were interviewing people for a job I would be more likely to hire someone who has been convicted of murder over someone convicted of attempted murder. Either way I'm getting a hardened criminal who wants to kill other human beings but at least the murderer knows how to set a goal and accomplish it.
The lesson here is that while murder may be worse in the short term (longer jail sentance), attempted murder has got to be worse in the long run. If you've been convicted of attempted murder the only thing you've successfully killed is your resume.
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