Bob Sakamano

the kids are alright

According to a new study from the American Heart Assocation, it seems to be reasonable OK for the youth of America to start using Cocaine. 

A new study by the American Heart Association warned Monday that cocaine use in young or otherwise healthy patients could sometimes cause heart attack symptoms like chest pain, shortness of breath, anxiety, palpitations, dizziness, nausea, heavy sweating and palpitations

The keyword here is "symptoms", so why stop all the fun of the coke just for a little afterwords anxiety.

...which after looking them over seem more like symptoms of wanting more cocaine and not symptoms of heart explosion.

An ex-drug user and fallen soldier Mitch Hedburg once said “I used to drink wine. This girl asked me, “Doesn’t wine give you a headache?” “Yeah, eventually, but the first and the middle part are amazing!”, which applies perfectly here, why stop using cocaine because of what will happen afterwards?

PS.  I am not sure if the picture relates to this, however it made the first page of results on a google image search for heart exploding, so I went with it.

stick to placebos

I am sure this happens to you all the time.

You go in for a routine leg operation and wake up with a new anus.

HOW many people were involved in the operation.  No one double checks? I double check my math homework before I turn it in, I even double check my socks to make sure they match every morning.

Better yet, why not ask the patient a simple "How are we helping you today" before they put patients to sleep.

khee khee khooo

Did you ever notice that most people who breath too loud are people that we would prefer not to be breathing at all?

bow wow wow yippy yo yippy yay

Dear Doctors,

Overall, I'm the most perfect person I know.  So plastic surgery is a no-go.

However, if they can figure out a way to change me so I don't get shocked when I touch metal, I'll be the first to sign up.

No matter how buff, strong, smart, cool, funny, sweet or perfect a person you are, it fuckin hurts, and I hate it.

science wins again

Eat shit and die,

HOWEVER

Smell shit and live.

According to a recent study by the New Scientist, Dairy farmers are five times less likely than the general population to develop lung cancer.  This is as a result of their built immunity from exposure of the bacteria in manure.

[via The Daily Telegraph]

your momma 2008

As the youth are getting older (apparently by the second) and having children, it's come to my attention that the diseases they got in the late 80's and early 90's are still with them today, which makes me ask: What is a kid supposed to tell his friends is growing on his moms upper lip? If they don't already make fun of  him for being fat and poor, his mom having herpes lip can't be helping his case either.

Next time you bone, think twice for the kids!

"your mommas herpes is so bad she can only supress 2 days out of 30" DISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You got served!

dear lawmakaZ

After reading this article about a New York construction worker being forced into a rectal examination after an on the site construction accident, I would like to propose a check box on our licenses, similar to the organ donor, authorizing if we want objects-in-the-anus or not.

caption contest

f _ c k better?

some chicken soup for the chicken soup for the soul

If chicken soup is so good for us why don't we eat it ALL THE TIME?

pic of the day

First, they took the trans-fat out of our food, that was ok.

Then they started offering options other than french fries... carrots, apples, walnuts... and that was coo.

But for us to expect the packaging to also carry nutritional value?  When does it end?!