Class,
Today's math lesson will be in addition. Please get out your loose leaf paper and a sharpened two pencil and get ready to take notes.
Lets begin;
alcohol + tasers = ok
nudity + tasers = kinky
alcohol + nudity = great
alcohol + nudity + tasers = death
Before Hillary Clinton can be elected president, I think the she should at least be able to teach her citizens that they shouldn't park on the street illegaly, especially if that particurly stretch of road is HOME TO A POLICE PRECINCT!
The last picture with the metermaid cars (whatever they are called?) is the best.
For this task, you will need: a joint, a bottle of whiskey, a loaded handgun and a car.
Next time you are driving, go really fast.
When you hit about 100, take out a doob and start puffing.
When you finish it, at this time you should be going about 150.
Here, take a shot of the whiskey for every mile you drive.
Then start shooting the handgun I said you should have in part one. Shoot for every half mile you drive at any moving object in sight. Shoot until a cop pulls you over.
When he pulls you over, say sorry, and confess you where on a stakeout and you where really an undercover law abiding citizen.
If they are allowed to be undercover cops, we are allowed to be undercover law abiding citizens.
You will never EVER see an epileptic police officer. In that case every time he turned on his lights to catch a criminal he would have a seizure and go out of control. People would commit crimes just to watch him spaz out on the ground.
You may have seen this before, there is a crime, and they offer a reward leading to the arrest of the criminal. They even say you can remain anonymous.
Which is why I am proud to announce that tomorrow I am going to become a detective, and right before I am about to solve a crime I am going to call the police and give them the information on that crime. Of course, they will call me back with that same information (as if I didn't know already,..."Oh, where is the killer? Wow, I would never have guessed!" and I will make the arrest.
So in the end, I will do my job in catching the criminal, and earn an anonymous tax-free commission while doing it. What a country!
Have you ever run a red light, only to see someone behind you in your rearview mirror running it too? Doesn't it make you feel better that someone is breaking the law worse than you?
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